Coalescence
by Aesira
Summary: Lloyd reflects on his relationship with Zelos before and after the betrayal. Twoshot. ZelosLloyd, MithosGenis.


**Coalescence**

Part One - Barrier

**Summary:** Lloyd reflects on his relationship with Zelos before and after the betrayal. Two-shot.

**Warnings:** Slash. Spoilers.

**Pairings:** Zelos/Lloyd, Mithos/Genis

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. /

**Beta'd** by _Poneh and Pony_

(**A/N: **Well, my first try at a Tales fic. It's told in Lloyd's point of view. The story starts in that Tower of Salvation scene where everyone sacrifices himself/herself to the cause of getting Colette back. In the story, the focus is the Genis scene. Just to clear up any confusion.)

I stare through this once metaphorical, now literal barrier separating my best friend and me. We've overcome many "barriers" since we began our journey. At the moment it looks as if he is giving up on this one, for he sinks to the ground with a melancholy look on his face.

A few of those "barriers" have landed me in this rather unpleasant situation I am in right now. However, I can't complain, because the incidences of Mithos' betrayal and the more recent revelation of Zelos' allegiances have strengthened our friendship and have given me some insight into Genis' mind.

Mithos. I don't know where to begin. He had us all deceived; especially Genis. I must admit I was slightly envious of their relationship. I felt as if my best friend had been stolen from me. It wasn't even as if he was oblivious to the way I was feeling. At times, it seemed that he was doing it on purpose at times; each stab at me was intended to make me feel regretful about not being as good of a friend as Mithos was to him. If only he'd known at the time what would become of their friendship...

During this period of best friendlessness, a certain red-haired Chosen began to pay more attention to me. Zelos Wilder began calling me his "best bud," attacking me with hugs and bombarding me with his unique sense of kindness. And I grew to love this attention I got from him. He made me feel important, making time for me when there were so many girls he could be flirting with. Before I knew it, butterflies infested my stomach every time he brushed up against me and I found myself head over heels in love with him.

Each time I found myself experiencing this sensation, a wave of disgust pierced me. How could I feel this way about my friend? It's unnatural! What would the others think? What would he - the gleaming knight of a swordsman that any girl would sell their soul for a night with - think of me if he knew? To no avail, I tried to suppress these feelings as much as humanly possible, hoping the fire of love would be smothered to death.

As much as I tried, I believe I failed to hide my enjoyment of Zelos' company and suspicion arose among those in our group, including Zelos himself. There were times I swore he was teasing me with his hugs and pet names.

On the night of Mithos' betrayal, Mithos made a comment that left me wishing I could curl up and die far, far away from Altessa's home. He even mocked me before revealing who he truly was! I guess he has given me even more of a reason to kick his ass.

Shortly after Mithos' revelation, Altessa sustained life-threatening injuries, leading us to Flanoir in search of Sheena's doctor recommendation.

We arrived in the snowy city after a couple of hours of traveling by Rheiard. Everyone was tense, worrying about our dwarven friend's life. Perfect opportunity for someone to slink off, eh? We did not have to stray from our destination to find Zelos, as we discovered him mumbling to himself outside of the clinic.

We entered to find the greedy doctor Sheena spoke of. The doctor, escorted by Raine, Sheena, Regal, and Presea, set off for Altessa's home once again, in hopes of healing him. Genis, Zelos, Colette, and I remained at an inn for the night.

I recall sitting alone in my room, staring out the window. Unsurprisingly, it was gently snowing, blanketing the snow on the ground with the fresh, powdery layer. I spotted Colette building a snowman off in the distance as Genis watched. I recall wondering how Colette had managed to get Genis to come out of his room. I had stopped by there to see if he was okay earlier, but I recieved a rather teary "Go away. I don't want to talk to anyone right now." I hoped Colette was comforting him. He was still shaken up about the Mithos situation.

At this point, I began to wonder where Zelos was, as he was the only member of the remaining party unaccounted for (as usual).

As if on cue, a knock sounded from the opposite side of the door. "Hey, Lloyd. Open up." I obeyed.

"Hey there," I greeted and gestured for him to come in. He stepped in, and the heavy oak door closing itself as he started up again.

"Well, I was heading outside and I figured I'd invite you along," he stated, his voice void of his usual enthusiasm.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go," I mustered up as much of a smile as I could manage. It was clear something was on his mind, which was always reason for concern.

We exited the room in silence. He held the door open for me as we entered the hallway and I thanked him. He nodded and gestured for me to follow him, and I did until he exited the building and started toward the balcony overlooking the picturesque lower level of the city.

"Wow..." I half-whispered.

"Pretty, isn't it?" the redhead inquired. Before waiting for a response, he added, "Just like me!" and grinned. I laughed, relieved he wasn't as serious as he had seemed before. I joined him on the balcony and leaned against the railing, admiring the snow I was so unaccustomed to.

"Does it snow often in Meltokio?" I inquired, hoping to avoid an awkward silence.

"Occasionally it does... It's pretty and all, but..." he trailed off, a pained expression on his face. He attempted to reconstruct his smile, as a child scrambles to glue the fragments of an exotic vase back together before his mother discovers that he broke it in the first place.

"Hey... Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, a look of concern plastered upon my face.

"You know, that sounds good just about now..." he took a moment to regain his composure, then went on to reveal things about himself and his past that tore at my heart - like his mother's death, his feelings of rejection and apathy... I found myself realizing that more than girls and parties went through the Chosen's head. Behind his facade exists a tragic, confused child, masquerading as the flirtatious, unconcerned person we saw.

"Wow... Zelos... I never would've guessed."

"Yeah, I suppose I do a pretty good job of covering it up, eh?" he responded, a faux grin appearing on his face.

"I wish you wouldn't do that... Why can't you just be yourself around m-"

I was unable to complete my statement, for I found a pair of lips gently pressed against my own. He had wrapped his arms around me in a loving embrace that I melted into without hesitation.

However, for a long moment I found myself in a state of complete and utter shock after being kissed by the object of my affection. Instinct told me to retreat from this awkward, unexpected situation. Yet it felt so right to be standing on that balcony, held in the gentle embrace of the redhead. So I gave in to this feeling. Before I could deepen the kiss, it had ended and Zelos' face was glowing red. Zelos couldn't be... embarrassed? It had to be the cold.

I couldn't let this get to me. He had to be toying with me. My feelings couldn't possibly be returned by this flirtatious philanderer. And I felt myself crumble inside as these thoughts whirlpooled through my mind.

My face still must have housed that rather startled expression, because, rather than looking pleased with himself as he does whenever he 'accidentally' brushes up against Sheena's rear, the redhead was regretful and almost fearful. "I'm... sorry, Lloyd. Let's just pretend that didn't just happen."

He was looking away now, clearly embarrassed and unsure of what to do.

"But... but what if I don't want to pretend?" At this point I was certain that my face's hue matched my outfit. _Stupid, stupid Lloyd! _I scolded myself

"What?" he gaped at me. I began to feel very uneasy as his stare burned into me.

"I... um," _No, don't do it. Just stop. Don't say it, Lloyd_. "I like you, Zelos. A lot."

If there ever was a moment that I wished I could bury myself, it was then. He continued staring. His face bore an expression I couldn't quite place. It clearly wasn't disgust (I thanked the heavens for this)... yet it wasn't necessarily a pleased expression. Before I was able to identify the emotion behind it, it was gone and he was smiling gently. He placed a hand upon mine and broke the silence.

"Eh, it's getting kind of chilly out here. Why don't we head back inside?"

I nodded and followed him back to the inn.

Not another word was spoken until he bade me farewell when we arrived at my room. For this, I was glad. Words were not necessary.

It took me a while to notice the envelope lying on the floor. The front bore my name in a simple script. Naturally curious, I hastily opened the envelope to find a folded note and - surprisingly - Zelos' Cruxis Crystal. Before I unfolded the message, I admired the "gift," if you could call it that. It shone beautifully, its emerald luster bouncing off nearby surfaces. _Why would he give me this?_ I recall thinking. _Maybe I should read the note_.

I carefully unfolded the sheet of paper to find this message:

_This is a symbol of my trust. Hang on to it for me, okay?  
I don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness, but I still want you to forgive me.  
PS: Don't tell the others. _

It was unsigned.

My grip on his Cruxis Crystal tightened. Forgiveness? Was it for what had happened before...?

_Stupid Zelos!_ I chided him mentally. I basically confessed my love for him and he goes and apologizes for giving me what I'd wanted.

And he didn't want me to tell the others... _Understandable_, I told myself, imagining how they would react to something like _that_.

Now that I am in my current situation, I realize that he wasn't talking about what had happened when we had talked, but instead was referring to the upcoming betrayal.

What am I supposed to believe? He asks for my forgiveness and tells me I can trust him, then he completely contradicts everything he said by kidnapping Colette and calling me stupid for believing him...

Yet I can't eradicate this ray of hope that shines within me. Maybe this will all turn out okay in the end? Maybe he will return to us? I honestly have no clue. One can only take things as they come and trust that things will turn out well.

However, it is rather difficult to maintain an optimistic attitude when your love has just betrayed you and the last remaining comrade has sacrificed himself to save you.

"Heh... I messed up..." the half-elf murmurs.

"You... did that to get me out." I don't know why I find myself so surprised, but I am. Each of my companions had done the same thing. But Genis...

"N... no!"

"Liar! you knew it would end up like this. Why did you do it?"

I notice that tears are beginning to form in his eyes.

His voice cracks. "If you'd been in my place, you'd have done the same thing. You always jump in without thinking to save someone in trouble. But it was that Lloyd I always looked up to. I wanted to be just like you."

"Genis..." I never knew the boy looked up to me. He certainly has a funny way of showing it. Yet my heart breaks to see him like this...

"Go!" he commands roughly. I hesitate. I can't just leave him behind. "I said, go!"

With one last painful look through the barrier, I want to scream at him. Stupid kid! "You... you fool!"

I hear him murmur something. I'm too far away to hear it though.

And I'm running now. Running away from my best friend. I wonder if Zelos felt this way when he left with Pronyma... the gnawing feeling of relentless guilt. Feeling as if there's nothing you can do to help the current situation.

But my determination will not falter. _Let's make their sacrifices and efforts worthwhile_, I tell myself as I approach what appears to be the end of the bridge.

I step onto solid ground and, seemingly in slow motion, I'm falling. I spot a dagger of some sort pinned to my chest. But...

Shouldn't I be feeling pain?

I take a closer look and find that... he saved me. The one I love... no, the traitor... that traitor saved me. His crystal is damaged now... I hope he isn't disappointed. He told me to hang on to it for him...

No! Why should I care? He betrayed us...

I realize I can't continue if I am not focused solely on the task at hand: rescuing Colette. No more thoughts about Zelos.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what the future has in store for me. _Colette, Yggdrasill... here I come!_

(**A/N:** Well, what did you think? Sort of a crappy ending for a chapter, I think. Oh well. There'll be more though! You have some interesting conversations to look forward to in the next part, some Mithos/Genis stuff, and more of a relationship development between Zelos and Lloyd! Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for part two)


End file.
